the way it works...

At work the other night some of my co-workers were talking about the differences in the gay and straight communities. Funny, they were all straight and they ALL had opinions about how we differ. Naturally, I had to enlighten them a little.

1. We really aren't all that different.
2. Well, there is that thing of 2 penises or 2 vaginas in 1 relationship. I know that's a tough one to comprehend.
3. Gay relationships aren't recognized as legal institutions but straight relationships (marriages) are.
4. Courting/dating takes place in vastly different ways. We have dating sites devoted strictly to finding a sexual partner for the night (i.e. Manhunt.net or adam4adam.com) and they are usually pretty effective.
5. Since most of us don't have children, we are usually more financially stable with better houses, cars, clothes, hair, skin, and overall level of extravagant living than you do. And even those of us without money, well, we still are better than you.
6. We are the ones that design the clothes you wear; decorate your houses so they look almost as good as ours; cut and color your hair so you don't continue to look like versions of Dolly Parton (circa Steel Magnolias - I love that move btw) or Billy Ray Cyrus (circa Achy Breaky Heart or pre-Miley's money); we make property values go up when we move into your neighborhoods, we determine what music and movies people will like and I could go on and on with this list.
7. We're snobby and everyone wants a "gay" as a friend, unfortunately, that's not always possible. Let's be realistic, we're better than you and we know it, therefore, you don't need to approach us unless you are the local equivalent to Paris Hilton and you are a good accessory to us.
8. History shows us that we are better at most things that straight people. I bet I could lace up and get a football in my hand, practice for 1 year and be just as good, if not better than most NFL players. This is because we are smarter than most.
9. Generally, we are beautiful people altogether more beautiful than 90% of the world's population.
10. Straight people secretly wish they were gay just because it's better.

Okay, if any of you believe any of that cattiness, come to Mississippi, because this isn't always the case. Unfortunately, our style of cooking spilled over into the gay community too. Waist lines are ever-expanding and it is not pretty. Some of the rules above do apply down here however, but everyone already knows what they are, so you can pick and choose real versus bullshit.